


Fly the Friendly Skies

by cm (mumblemutter)



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff, Incest, Inspired by Fanart, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 04:36:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblemutter/pseuds/cm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor is a pilot. Loki failed the psych eval.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fly the Friendly Skies

**Author's Note:**

> Most vaguely inspired by [this dashing piece of fanart](http://realloveormadness.tumblr.com/post/60682489149/) by realloveormadness. Somehow the stockings didn't make it in. :-(

1.

Thor is eighteen when he declares he wants to be a pilot.

Loki, predictably, follows suit.

Odin grunts, glares meaningfully at Loki. "You do know that you're basically just a driver on a flying bus?"

Loki rolls his eyes before he launches into a speech about Loki's potential and all that other nonsense. The lecture comes anyway, and Loki drowns it out, pictures himself in a pilot uniform and cap. Pictures _Thor_ in pilot uniform and cap.

"But how about the military," Thor suggests, which drags Loki forcefully out of his nice fantasy.

"Hell no," Loki says, even as Odin nods his head in approval.

"Awesome," Thor says, and slaps Loki on the back.

Loki chokes on his spit.

 

2.

Three years in the Navy, while Loki gets his Ph.D. Well, or attempts to - he washes out for several reasons, mostly relating to boredom and lack of ambition. Plus the shithole that is the economy and job market.

So now he works at a Starbucks, shelling out overpriced, mediocre coffee to corporate idiots and their younger college counterparts. At least half of the other employees are also college grads, so Loki at least doesn't feel so alone.

Not a single one of them is as smart as he is, but that's more or less the same everywhere.

Thor drops by one morning, in full uniform and a cap which he takes off and puts under his arm as he enters the premises.

Loki can practically smell the desire rising in the air, and one woman actually faints when Thor smiles. It might also be low blood pressure, but it's Thor: he has that effect on people.

"I'm done," Thor says, when Loki takes a break and joins him at his table, and there's a hollowness in his eyes Loki's never seen before. "Anyway, gonna see if I can get a commercial airline to hire me, see the world."

"Right," Loki says. "So I won't see you for what, another three years?"

"Well, see. I was thinking."

 

3.

Thor's a shoo-in, but Loki still has a shot at the pilot application. 

It doesn't go as well as he expected: something about psychological profile, or equivalent nonsense.

"What the hell did you write," Thor asks. 

"Look, anyone that says they won't think of themselves first in an emergency is a liar." 

Anyone except for Thor, clearly. Loki can smell a hero complex when he sees it, and it goes by the name of Thor. 

"At least I told the truth," Loki says.

"So you didn't want to get in, is that it?"

"Are you calling me a liar?"

Thor just laughs at him, and keeps on laughing until Loki kicks him in the shin. "You know," Thor says, as he rubs his leg and winces. "There are other options."

 

4.

"A double masters in Engineering and you're what - going to be a waiter in the sky? Thor, tell your brother this is a terrible idea."

Thor flushes, looks guilty.

Frigga says, "Oh, just let it go already, dear. They're clearly going to do whatever it is they want."

Odin sighs in resignation. "You two will be the death of me," he says. "Come on, let's go out for dinner. I need a drink. Or two."

Frigga pats him sympathetically on the shoulder as they head out. Thor nudges Loki, says, "I think that went well, considering."

"Considering," Loki agrees.

 

5.

When they leave for their first flight, Frigga packs a care package for each of them. 

Their favorite snacks, toiletries, antiseptic wipes, antihistamines and condoms, discreetly slotted into the corner. The anti-histamines are for Loki, the condoms clearly for Thor, but Loki appreciates the effort she made to give each of her sons identical packages. 

He passes the condoms to Thor, takes the antihistamines from him. Thor stares at the packets, says faintly, "She doesn't think I'm going to use all of these, does she?"

Loki snorts: the only person that doesn't know Thor is a giant whore is Thor himself. "Yes, and if you don't and give me herpes I swear I will never speak to you again."

Thor grins, takes the threat with far less seriousness than he should.

Still, he slips one into his wallet, gives Loki a, _there, you satisfied?_ eyebrow raise.

 

6.

It turns out, Odin is largely correct. It is a waste of Loki's time, smiling at passengers and offering to serve them, while somehow refraining from spitting into their drinks or throwing them out of the airlock. Basically the same as working at Starbucks, except he has an airlock handy.

"Humanity is literally the worst species on this planet," he complains to Thor. "We should seriously consider culling. I suggest we start with the babies, then move up."

"I can't believe you failed the psych test."

"Shut up," Loki says, flipping open a magazine. "God, what is this," he throws the magazine aside in disgust. No, he does not need to learn how to catch and keep a man in a week. "At least you get a cockpit to hide in. I have to smile and pretend I care about their wretched need for beverages and blankets, and tolerate their squalling, sniveling spawn."

Thor, finally, starts to look worried.

Two days later, Loki's assigned to first and business class. It's not that Loki thinks more highly of the people flying first or business class, but at least there are fewer of them on any single flight.

Thor doesn't question it, the same way he doesn't question how Loki always ends up on the same flight as him. Loki's trained him well, not to look too deeply into things.

It's for the best, all things considered.

The only downside is that for some reason he gets hit on more often, by both women and men. It's flattering for about five minutes, and then he tires of it.

"Really?" he tells one middle-aged hopeful, who winks at him as if his money means Loki will be willing to sit in his lap.

The man's face falls.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Loki wants to slip him something to drink to keep him passed out for the rest of the flight, but after the fiasco with the last time he did that - 

He retreats to the front of the plane instead, plops himself behind the pilot's chair. The co-pilot offers him a resigned grin: he's used to Loki by now. 

"I hate this job," Loki says.

"So quit."

"Can't. You'd miss me too much."

Thor doesn't reply, but they both know it's true.

 

7.

Paris, Berlin, London, Shanghai, New York, Singapore, Bangkok.

It all starts to blur together after a while.

Thor likes to go out; Loki does not.

"But the Eiffel Tower -"

"Fuck the Eiffel Tower."

"The Great Wall -"

"Fuck the Great Wall."

And so, he's always in bed when Thor returns, slightly drunk and happy and unbearably annoying. Especially when he slips under the sheets, wraps his arms around Loki's waist.

"No," Loki says.

Thor whines, kisses Loki's neck, his jaw, and finally his lips.

"It's abnormal, you're my brother. You pervert." 

"Mmm, sure," Thor says, and his hand sneaks into Loki's pants, to where his traitorous cock is already hard, already anticipating the touch. "This is your captain speaking, we would like to thank you for traveling with us. We hope you had a pleasant trip, and hope to see you again."

"Go away." Thor only kisses him, and continues to do so, until Loki fists his hand into Thor's shirt. "This is coercion," he says.

Thor pulls away. "Guess I'll just go back to my room then. I'm sure I can find some other flight attendant to entertain me. Who's that girl you're friends with? Amelie?"

Loki shoves at his shoulder. "I swear I will kill you." 

Thor resumes stroking Loki's cock, and Loki pushes his hips up into his fist, despite himself. "Say yes," Thor says, rough.

"No."

Thor kisses the pulse at the side of Loki's neck. "I will leave, I swear."

"Fuck you."

"That's not a yes."

Loki hates him. "Yes. You fucking dick," he moans as Thor flips him onto his back, settles between his legs. 

"Yep." Thor crawls down Loki's body, and Loki helps him push his shorts off his hips.

Loki always forgets, Thor gives blowjobs like he does it for a living, like it's a calling and he's dedicated his life to perfecting his craft. He pats Thor on the head as Thor licks a slow stripe up the underside of his cock, says, "You're in the wrong industry. You should be a porn star, or a prostitute. I'd pay for you."

"Naw, I'm in the perfect industry." Thor pulls away and grins. "Taking you to new heights and more."

"Enough, for god's sake, I will pay you to shut up."

Thor says, "Please fasten your seatbelts, we'll be taking off soon."

Loki drags his hand over his face, finally gives up. "Aye aye, captain."


End file.
